


for the rest of my life

by quantumoddity



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Pre Ben's death, Pre-Canon, SO SORRY, but thats still...a thing, mentions of mental health issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24757804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity
Summary: Mick and Ben make plans for their future
Relationships: Mick Mercury/Benzaiten Steel
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	for the rest of my life

“I think I’m going to move out.”

Mick was half asleep already, he wasn’t sure what he’d heard for a moment. He wasn’t even sure Ben had spoken, his voice was so soft and small, like he was half a world away rather than lying in his arms, their noses practically touching on the pillow. 

“Huh?” he mumbled in response, forcing one eye to open even with how leaden his eyelids felt. Mick had always been a heavy sleeper. 

But the sight of Benzaiten Steel was worth it. He looked so different when he was tired, without the make-up and the smiles he put on for the rest of the world. Mick always felt like he was seeing a version of Ben that no one else got to see, making him feel like the luckiest guy on Mars. So much about Ben made him feel like that. Right now he was staring at him with wide eyes, still slightly glazed, it couldn’t have been more than five minutes since he finished. His face was soft, unmanaged, vulnerable. He looked like how Mick remembered from their first night together, the night they hadn’t even needed to have sex because just being in the same bed, nothing between them, had been more than enough. He looked sixteen again. 

“I think I’m going to move out,” Ben repeated, voice still small like he was worried someone would hear, “Out of mom’s house.”

Mick stopped, both eyes snapping open now. He sat up, wanting to focus, wanting to force his mind that wandered so easily to stay still and really listen because he could see now how important this evening had suddenly become. And he’d thought tonight would have been the same as any other Saturday; movies on his dad’s ratty old sofa, ones they didn’t really listen to because they were so wrapped up in each other. Sex that was amazing, sleeping in each others arms that was somehow even better and Ben waking him up as he tried to leave quietly for his early class the next morning. Mick liked predictability, he liked knowing what was coming. And he hadn’t known this was coming, not at all. 

“Oh…” Mick mumbled, wishing he had something better to say, as Ben followed him in sitting up, “You...you sure?”

Ben sighed, not in frustration at Mick, he was pretty much the only person on Mars who had never and would never do that. He just sighed like he was deeply exhausted, leaning back against the headboard, curls falling in his eyes as he looked up at the ceiling. 

“I just...I don’t think I’m doing any good, Mick,” he mumbled, “I thought she needed me around but...lately, more and more, it feels like me being there is making her worse?”

Mick chewed on his lip unhappily. He didn’t like to comment on Ben’s ma. He didn’t know a lot about her, honestly, for someone who’d known the Steel twins as long as he could remember. There had been the odd conversation, sure, where she’d handed them juice when they were little kids and asked about school in the way adults did, like they all read from the same script. But that was all he knew, even after nearly five years dating Ben and more than a decade of friendship with them both. 

And most of that was their doing, Jay and Ben had always kept her at arm’s length from their friends. Mick more saw the periphery, he saw the impressions that were left. He saw how Jay’s jaw would tighten when the subject of parents came up in school, like when they’d read a story about a happy family or the teacher would mention taking something home to mom and dad. He saw how Ben would get uncomfortable when Mick was at his house, not like he didn’t want him there but like he was expecting something bad to happen at any moment, something where he’d need to throw himself in front of Mick to protect him. He’d seen the signs on both of them, the signs of missed meals and sleepless nights. He’d had them both turn up on his doorstep on a school night before, asking meekly, shamefaced, if they could sleep on his floor. He knew Sasha had, too. 

And he’d heard the arguments since Jay had split and joined the academy. He’d seen Ben coming back from dinners with his brother, red eyed and tense. He heard his boyfriend angrily slam his comms down on a conversation halfway through. 

Mick knew enough. Enough to make his stomach churn when he would drop Ben off at home and watch him walk through the door, feeling like somehow he had failed him. 

But Ben had stayed, even after Jay left before the candles were even blown out on his eighteenth birthday cake. And Mick trusted Ben’s reasons for doing that, for them still not having moved in together, for there having been no word of moving beyond what they had right now, still a high school relationship with more frequent sleepovers. He trusted his boyfriend’s big heart. 

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t scared for it, each and every day. 

“How do you mean worse?” he asked, striving for delicacy even when he knew it was so far from his strong suit.

Ben hadn’t looked at him since he’d spoken but now Mick got the sense he was deliberately doing it, “I mean...she...it’s complicated but...the pills…”

Mick reached over and took his hand, where it was lying limply on the bed. After a moment, those fingers responded, holding Mick’s tightly in return. 

“She keeps thinking I’m Juno,” he admitted, voice shrunk right down, “She’s seeing things, she’s losing things when they’re right in front of her. It feels like the medication isn’t doing it’s job any more. And sometimes...she says things. To me. When she thinks I’m Juno.”

Mick felt his shoulders square, “What kind of things? Ben?”

“Nothing she means,” he said quickly, shaking his head, “It’s her...troubles talking. But I don’t think I’m helping any more. I...I think she needs to move somewhere. A facility. Where they can keep her safe when I can’t.”

Ben actually flinched, like he was expecting some divine retribution, like he was waiting for the universe to rail against him for even daring to say that about his own mother. 

But there were only the two of them, lying side by side in the darkness. And honestly, Mick was doing everything he could to keep the relief out of his voice. 

“Ben, you’ve done everything you can for her, more than you ever had to,” he spoke haltingly, trying so hard to find the right words to match what was going on inside him, “And deep down, she knows that. If this is what's right for her, then it’s what’s right. And...it’s not your fault.”

Ben looked up at him and Mick realised in that moment that his boyfriend had been holding back tears for a while now. He folded him into his arms and let him sob against his chest, stroking his tight curls and rocking him, just like he’d always wanted someone to do for him when he cracked like this. When he was little, anyway. Now he had Benzaiten. 

Mick always hated this, he hated that there were hurts inside the man he loved that he couldn’t fix. But Ben had taught him that he could at least be there. 

“Hey, hey,” he murmured, when he felt Ben’s tears start to slow, “It’s alright, sunshine. It’s okay.”

“Thanks,” Ben gasped, moving to rub his eyes but Mick got there first, gently dabbing at them with the edge of his shirt, “It’s just hard. I love her and...and she’s going to hate me…” 

“She’s your ma, Ben. She loves you,” Mick tried to reassure him though, truthfully, he had no idea, “Sometimes you have to make decisions that are hard but...they’re what’s best in the end.”

“I know...I just feel so selfish.”

“Selfish is the last thing you are, Benzaiten Steel,” Mick’s voice firmed now he knew he was saying something absolutely true and he held onto his boyfriend tightly, “Believe me, I’m an idiot, but even I know that.”

“You’re not an idiot,” Ben shouldered him lightly, barely even moving his boyfriend who was much bigger than him, “Don’t say that.” 

“Well don’t say you’re selfish,” Mick returned, chuckling, bringing them back to lying down, back to being nose to nose, “You just...you love so much, Ben. Everything you do is motivated by that. And it’s so nice.”

Ben sighed gently and kissed him lightly on the lips, “See? How can you say you’re an idiot when you say such lovely things?”

Mick laughed, kissing him back just because he could and because it felt so good, before murmuring, “So...if you’re moving out...do you need a place to stay? Cos I know a not-idiot who has room in his bed…”

Ben’s eyes shone and hope dawned in them, “Really? You’d be okay with that?” 

“Sure!” Mick grinned, “Or, hell, we don’t even have to live here. I’ll sell my bike and we can move somewhere new, get out of Oldtown, off of Mars itself if you want. Somewhere fun and exciting and you can dance and I can write and we’ll have a million pets and a million kids and we’ll get married and love each other for the rest of our lives…”

Ben was giggling and squirming before he’d even finished, blushing beautifully and burying his face against Mick’s neck, “You’d need to sell more than your bike...but that sounds nice.” 

“Sure does,” Mick held him close, able to breathe again now the smile was back on Ben’s face. 

“It’ll take a bit of time I guess, finding her a place, somewhere nice where they’ll take good care of her and help her feel safe…” Ben murmured, “Somewhere away from all the noise and stress...but then I can sell the house to pay for it, Juno will help...and then…”

“And then?” Mick murmured, kissing the top of his head. 

He felt him smile against his skin, a smile of pure hope.

“Then I can get on with loving you for the rest of my life.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request on my Tumblr for some Ben/Mick stuff! If you want to request something or yell at me for doing this to you, my Tumblr is @mollymauk-teafleak
> 
> Also please please comment!


End file.
